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With MLB Cracking Down on HGH, Its not Hard to Predict Manny Ramirez’ Ten Greatest Home Runs for 2012
Evan Pritchard for Amazine
MLB is really coming down hard on performance-enhancing drugs this week. Now the Mets may be affected as well. If steroids and other performance enhancing drugs become totally unavailable by 2012, a lot of today’s major league baseball players will not be able to hit the long ball any more. It will change the meaning of home run. In fact, nowadays, a lot of folks are using the term home run to mean “Any decisive act worthy of acclaim.” It could also mean “Any surprising show of ability in any category,” or “Any positive unexpected turn of events,” or “an act done well enough to incur bragging rights.” For example it is now common to hear the expression, “You really scored a home run with Phyllis at the party last week when you sang her happy birthday.” Soon, that may be the only kind of home run we are likely to hear about. With this in mind, let us take a look into the future at : Manny Ramirez’ ten greatest home runs of 2012.
1. On April 10th, 2012, Manny will remember to pick up milk for his mother each day while playing the Yankees in a three game series. That would score a “home run” with the family.
2. On May 1st, 2012 during a luncheon with two other players, when asked what the current name of Ceylon is, he will correctly reply “Sri Lanka” without having to look it up. “Home run!”
3. On May 24th, 2012 Manny will remember his aunt Selma’s birthday and give her a call. “Score!”
4. On June 4th, 2012 Manny will sing “Smooth” at a Karyoke bar and remember all the words, hitting that song “out of the ballpark.”
5. On July 5th, 2012 Manny will find Johnny Damon’s 2004 World Series ring in the outfield and return it to him. “Grand slam!”
6. On August 7th, 2012 Ramirez will send $200,000 to Haiti for earthquake relief. What power in the clutch!
7. On August 10, 2012 Manny will stop being Manny for one day. “Homer!”
8. On August 21, 2012 Manny will be seen mentoring three minor league players without drawing attention to himself. “Going, going, gone!”
9. On September 4th, 2012 Manny will go a whole day without causing any trouble. That’s “outta here!”
10. On September 15, 2012 someone will ask directions to an art museum and Manny will not only know, but know the admission price and theme of the month as well. It’s high! It’s far! It’s deep! Another big “home run” for Manny Ramirez!